#14 Are you going to adopt?

This is a tricky question, with many difficult answers.

For some couples, yes, adoption is the next step, and the answer to their desire for children. For some couples, who may not have even considered that they will never conceive their own child, this is a loaded question. And for some couples, adoption is not even something they have discussed, or want.

Adoption is expensive. Adoption is sometimes the end of the road for fertility treatments. It takes time; there are hundreds of papers to be signed, filed, and examined. And did we mention the money yet?

Adoption is a great option, and certainly one that many couples discuss, or actually do.  Adoption is not for everyone.

And do you really want to be the person that suggests this option to an infertile? To some couples this is the exit strategy, and do you really want to be the person that tells them to get off the baby highway? It sends a very clear message to an infertile person when someone asks this; you just said, "I am tired of listening to you. Getting a baby from somewhere will just shut you up."

Instead try "that sounds tough. Do you want to talk about?"

Or, if you really are tired of listening, say "This is a really heavy conversation, and I need some time to think about what to say so that I don't offend you. Is that okay?"

(Most infertiles will say, "yes" and be glad that you don't want to be offensive. And look, the conversation changed!)

And P.S. Adoption is expensive! (And did we mention that people come over and inspect your house, every nook and cranny to ensure that a child will be safe at the house? Did you have to do that to have a natural born child?)